I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
