is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
