a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
