turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
