Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
