dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize