OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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