when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
being pregnant is like rehab
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
