3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
