Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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