omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize