I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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