R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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