So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
