On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
