Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
