My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
please come you make the beer taste better
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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