: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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