At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
