I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
