I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
