dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
