I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
