wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
