So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize