I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
