Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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