2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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