Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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