Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
