Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
