omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
