If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
