You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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