Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
