her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
please come you make the beer taste better
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
