u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
