he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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