I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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