The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
