I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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