All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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