a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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