ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
