i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
