Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Found the puke drawer
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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