Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
