Screwed.edu
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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