Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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