in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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