I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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