She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
