my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I didn't notice because vodka
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
