she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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