We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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