im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
