at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
