Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
