I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
