I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
