ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
