there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
