i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
