Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
