it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize