I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No more Irish car bombs ever.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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