I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
